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So we got engaged two days ago- that’s a big change for anyone but for Kyle who is AuADHD it’s an especially big change. Things were great Friday and Saturday most of the day but last night things got a little rough. And I’m starting to notice that big changes bring shut downs. And that’s going to just be part of being in this relationship. That’s one of the primary reasons I started this project. This blog can serve as a kind of time capsule/observation log of what I experience as a partner, and a record of our progress and failures so we know what works and how to do better.

Today for me was rough, Kyle needed rest so I kinda did my own thing all day (my go to is cleaning/house stuff) and in the evening it got tense, very tense. But we figured it out with our own style of communication and love that I find to be the most valuable love I’ve ever experienced. I got angry, I felt ignored and isolated and kinda just sad. Not pissed, sad. I have a hard time when I feel ignored. I felt under-appreciated after doing a bunch of chores and not bothering his sleep all day. But that wasn’t his intent, and my intent wasn’t to be a cunt. It just kinda happened that way.

How did we get through it? I took space, gave him space,and when we were both ready I returned to the bedroom where he was resting again and cuddled and gave sweet kisses. Here’s the take away I found, I genuinely love him and sometimes it will require doing things differently on both our parts to make progress than we have done in past relationships. Change isn’t alarming for me, but I’ve noticed with him it brings about a lot of need for rest, quiet time and gentle love. I like change, it’s exciting and new- for me that’s stimulating. As an adult I’ve moved over 15 times and I’ve lived in more rents and with more various roommates than I can remember. For him it seems change is frightening and not comfortable. And that’s ok. He’s resting again. After not knowing how to log onto the wifi on my laptop for a few days I posted a lot tonight and will post more I assume but he needs more rest. I’ll do my thing and let him get the sleep he needs. I have to build enough internal security to know that when this happens it’s not my “fault” and it’s not necessarily about me or what I might have done. It’s about two people who love each other who process things in different ways.