kitten and boo boo

Rituals are important, even small basic ones. Most morning I get up to walk to the Shell station right when it opens at 6am to buy my cigs and Kyle’s pepsi. The walk is calming, I usually don’t see anyone else walking and there are less cars on the road. The Shell is just opening so it’s not busy. I walk home and have a well deserved smoke and try to write something meaningful or at least something I’m not embarrassed of. While Kyle is still sleeping I sit in the living room listening to music on my earbuds with the fireplace channel playing on the TV. I feed the cat, make my to do list for the day, then I get ready. I clean my bag out from the day before, check all my social media. Message my bestie for a while. I don’t meditate but I feel calm and focused and at ease unlike the rest of the day. This quiet time has become so important for me. I crave it and on the rare morning I don’t do the above routine I feel a little less ready for the day and a lot more dis-regulated emotionally. My mornings before moving out here used to begin with a drink to steady my withdrawals and then just laying in bed until the liquor store opened. There was no intention or peace. There was no focus, just raw feral need. I’ll take these mornings over my old ones. Doing things like this is how you build an actual life. Doing things like this is how you begin to heal.